I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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