is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
