Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
