Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
