i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
