one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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