so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
