never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I need to align my fucking chakras
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
