Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
