he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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