he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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