she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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