I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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