My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
