I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
