So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Holy sore nipples Batman
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
