I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
