I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
