508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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