mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
FUCK WHALES
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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