do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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