I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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