i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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