i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
