I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
