Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
