I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
