Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize