Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
