My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
