I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
