Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
