It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
