We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
