i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
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