I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
