Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
