He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
