this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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