girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
