All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
