So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
