out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
