Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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