im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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