My nipple is on Facebook.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
