if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
