i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
