I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
