it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
