Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
