dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
